Just got a divorce? Breakup?

It doesn't matter that the breakup was a mutual one. Even if it was a squeeky clean break, it’s hard to let go of all the emotions. The aftermath is like shockwave. We might feel dissapointed, guilty, shame and relief all at once.

I've been there. Twice. It's so much harder if you have children involved. The breakup takes that much longer.

Have you thought of spending time to just sit and think? I'm talking about no one around alone time. Not with a girlfriend or family. All alone. You may need to do an ugly cry by yourself, release some difficult emotions, and find releif in your tears. Being alone is never easy, but it's so helpful. It helps you truly listen to your thoughts and understand yourself. And speaking of understanding yourslef. Maybe this is the perfect time to show yourself love. It’s your turn to find where you shine. Your turn to feel confident and sexy for yourself and no one else.

After the divorce dust settles, take some time to rediscover things you enjoy doing or having. This is your time. This your opportunity to get to know yourself. Who are you outside of someone else? What kind of life are you now free to create? Visualizing your future gives us an opportunity to discover what we want in life. For some of us, nobody's asked what we want. Some of us have been so busy going through the motions of life that we never stopped to ask ourselves what we want. Here's your chance.

I'm starting over too, and these are the steps I take to a more confident me. So I'll gladly share:

Step 1: brain dump

Journal every nasty thought, every emotion, every to do, everything. Get it out of your head, or else it will fester in there, taking precious realestate.

STEP 2: be in the question

Ask yourself "What do I want?" continuously, even if it takes you days to come up with the answer. What do you really want out of life? How do you want to feel? Who do you want to be? Write. It. Down.

STEP 3: Make observations

Why do you make the decisions your make? What has you feel differently than how you want to feel? Who are you taking your emotions out on, if anyone? Write down your observations. Paying attention to these things is having self-awareness.

STEP 4: Take action

Set a micro-goal and just do it! Take that one step, make the one phone call, write the one email, do that one thing that is one step closer to turning your life around for the better.

STEP 5: Do a happy dance

Celebrate every accomplishment as micro as it is. No one will be as happy as you, so once you've reached your goal, do something for yourself.

You can find more details in my IGTV video here: